either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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