I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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