i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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