question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
