the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
