dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
