Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
