So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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