Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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