Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
