I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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