So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
