If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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