Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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