i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
