I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
