I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
