You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
