Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
