So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
