Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
