Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
