I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
