he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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