it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
