literally had 100 drinks last night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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