splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
