your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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