Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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