Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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