I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
