I'm sorry my penis didn't work
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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