quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
