Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
