I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
