How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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