I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
