I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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