The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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