Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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