no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
