We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
