dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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