Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we're making bets on your personal life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
