Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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