Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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