i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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