what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
