I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
