Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
