It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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