Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just pee around me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
