i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
