i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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