I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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