On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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