i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after