Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support