im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs