Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof