I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM