mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.