the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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