are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
