new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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