i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
