I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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